St. Johns County, FL · Nov 6, 2026
St. Johns County,without the boringparts.
Satire about county government, local life, and the nonsense hiding in plain sight.
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local-news
St. Augustine Tests New Downtown Quality-Of-Life Strategy By Hotboxing King Street
Police and city officials burn confiscated marijuana to determine whether downtown’s biggest problem is that everyone just needs a "chill day."
the-roar
Nocatee Child Shocked To Learn Some Neighborhoods Don’t Have Their Own Water Park
Local 10-year-old had always assumed a lazy river was basic neighborhood infrastructure.
local-news
Board Shocked To Learn Recorded Meetings Can Be Played Again
Officials were reportedly unaware the county archive retained both video and consequences.
local-news
Tragic: St. Augustine Beach Forces 11-Year-Olds Back Into Humiliating World Of Pedal-Powered Transportation
A new city ordinance sets the minimum e-bike age at 12 and introduces helmets, speed rules and other devastating obstacles to the local sixth-grade transportation industry.
local-news
French Tire Company Confirms Four St. Augustine Restaurants Are Good
Michelin rolled into St. Augustine, inspected four local restaurants and found the food had excellent grip, balanced wear and no signs of culinary hydroplaning.
local-news
SJC Fire Rescue Offering Up To A $7,500 Bonus To Become Unreasonably Attractive Overnight
Firefighter/paramedics can receive $7,500, a 24/48 schedule and the sudden inability to enter Publix without turning at least three heads.
the-roar
Flagler Estates Child Shocked To Learn Some Neighborhoods Don’t Allow Four-Wheelers In Drainage Ditches
Nine-year-old Colton is recovering after learning some neighborhoods ban four-wheelers from drainage ditches and somehow still call themselves communities.
local-news
St. Johns County Board Meeting Briefly Interrupted By County Business
A serious debate over SB 686 gave way to rumors, old violations, criminal charges and several requests for someone else to resign.
The Roar Report
Friday, October 30, 2026
The fort has opened fire on trick-or-treaters
Two redcoats retreat. Florida destroys itself to music.
Past issues
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Latest
NewSt. Johns County Man Demands DNA Test After Finding Out His Son Voted For Jolly
The two had been friends for 12 years before discovering they had different opinions about a man neither had ever met.
the-roar
Meet The Two Men Responsible For Bringing White Castle To World Commerce Center
Longtime investors Harold and Kumar say the St. Johns County location fills a critical gap between where they are and where the burgers are.
the-roar
St. Johns Children Return From Trick-Or-Treating With 14 Campaign Flyers And One Snickers
Children returned home with less candy and stronger opinions on property taxes.
the-roar
FDOT Says Bridge of Lions Redesign Will Make Sense in Two to Three Generations
Transportation officials say the new intersection may require several decades of adjustment before drivers fully understand what they're looking at.
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